Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
