im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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