Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
