In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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