can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
