i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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