Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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