You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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