You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
