Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
