I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
