saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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