I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
