Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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