Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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