Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
