I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
