You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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