i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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