1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
