I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
