dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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