Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
