I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
