My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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