So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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