i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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