I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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