About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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