I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
