How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
