There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
