there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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