Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
