If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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