Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
