We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
