I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
