tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
even my farts smell like vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
