I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
