I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
