No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
