I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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