long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
