So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
