Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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