I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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