You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
