i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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