I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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