Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
