Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
