That's when you crack a 10am beer
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
