It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
