So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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