Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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