I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
