If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
