Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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