when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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