So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
