So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
