$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
