I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
