I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
