3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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