I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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